Past

I will tell anyone honestly that I don’t know nearly as much about the Bible as some people do. If anything, the New Testament is much easier for me to grasp than the Old Testament. Yet there is SO much to learn from the entire bible, not just one section. Things in the Old Testament help explain things in the New Testament, just like sequels in movies. There are just certain things in the Old Testament that truly amaze me today. If I lived back then, I would have died before I became a teenager with all the things you could be stoned for and what not. But what I really can appreciate is Genesis 19.

                 Genesis 19 tells us a story of how Lot was in town and saw 2 angels that he invited into his home. After a few tries the angels finally took him up on the offer to come stay at his home and have a meal with him. Before they got ready for bed, all the men in the town showed up at Lots house. They demanded that the men in the home be brought out so that all the townsmen could rape them. Lot was completely against this idea, for these people were guests that had “come under the protection of his roof” (Genesis 19:8).  Lot even offered up his unwed daughters in place for these angels. The angels however rescued Lot from the crowd and warned him to get out of the city, because God was going to destroy it. Lot tried to grab all his family, even warning the men who were promised to his daughters, but they thought he was kidding. When they were beginning to leave one of the angels said “Flee for your lives! Don’t look back, and don’t stop anywhere in the plain! Flee to the mountains or you will be swept away” (Genesis 19:17)!  Lot pleaded that he and his family may run to a nearby town instead, and the angels granted that wish.

This is what gets me. The Lord rained down sulfur, destroying everything on the land including the cities, people and country. Lot and his family got away. But after getting away, this is the verse that hits me so hard. Verse 26 says, But Lot’s wife looked back, and she became a pillar of salt. Wow. She had to have watched this whole ordeal, with all the commotion being outside of her house. The angles gave very specific rules. Don’t look back, and don’t stop anywhere! But yet, when she looked back, out of natural curiosity, she turned to salt.

How many times a day do we look back at our pasts? Yes they are difficult to leave behind, but how much has God told us to leave what we had behind. “Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead” (Philippians 3:13). “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation” (2 Corinthians 5:17-18).  Yet how many times do we actually follow the words of the gospel? I constantly condemn myself for things in my past, or for what people have done to me, or for what I feel I forgot to do. But if I had been Lots wife back in the day died because she simply looked back. I suppose it just amazes me how “good” I have it now, but one thing hasn’t changed since the beginning, God just wants us to trust that he knows what is best. Trust and obedience, that’s all.  

Slander

I have to give thanks for everything Christ gave me, because He freely gave me a second chance, He gave me true love. The thing is, I can easily praise Him on a day where everything seems to be going as planned. What’s hard is to love when you have been hurt, to worship when you feel alone. Yet the greatest time I feel alone is when I don’t feel like I am able to fit in. Even though Christ tells us to not try and please people, we feel that at least at church we are accepted.  Unfortunately that statement can be totally and completely wrong.

When a brother or sister in Christ hurts us in some way, either through gossiping or with words, we are called to forgive. “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:13). This could be one of the hardest known scriptures that I face in my life today. I have been hurt repededly by a sister in Christ, who is very close to my heart. She is in my small groups, she sits near me in church, and she is always with my group of friends. It is very very hard not to get upset, and I won’t deny that sometimes I give into that feeling. But that’s NOT what we are made for. We are made to worship and almighty God, who loves us without restraint, and who asks us to do the same. Just as with any situation, difficult or easy to decide, we should always be looking towards scripture to see what Christ says about it.

“Do not go about spreading slander among your people. Do not do anything that endangers your neighbor’s life. I am the Lord” (Leviticus 19:16).  That goes for her, and for me. I have no right to gossip or to quarrel, "But I say to you, do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also” (Matthew 5:39).  That’s not to be taken literally in the sense that I feel she is evil, but the words she has been saying, aren’t of God. I want to keep myself pure in every sense, I have to kneel and pray that God will give me a strong soul and a loving heart to be able to deal with all the slander.  As much as I want her to stop, I know that I can’t start doing what she is doing. “If you suffer, it should not be as a murderer or thief or any other kind of criminal, or even as a meddler” (1 Peter 4:15). Murderer, thief and meddler, all in the same sentence. Meddling is defined as “an officious annoying person who interferes with others, or as one who interferes or busies himself with things in which he has no concern.” Someone who is officious is defined as “objectionably aggressive in offering unrequested and unwanted help or advice.”  It is just as bad to be a murderer as it is to put your nose into someone’s business. Advice is good, but do we really learn when to draw the line? 

How many of us want to know everything about anything, because I can definitely get like that. We should only be speaking in ways that will build each other up as brothers and sisters. Why hinder the closeness you can feel with Christ over someone else’s business? I understand there are different circumstances, like if you sister in Christ is dating a non-believer, but that just brings me back to my original statement, which is that all scripture is for teaching, and rebuking, kindly. We are all learning, every day. Not one of us is better than the other. Some have had more years to learn, other may just be finding their feet in Christ, but we are all under one father. We are all called to love each other. We may feel someone should do something one way, or the other, but the truth is; only Christ can change the heart, the soul, and the ways of people. So really, it’s our decision to give these issues up to Him so that he can solve them, or we can just harvest hurt. I pray that each of us can learn how to guard our own hearts, and seek deeper into our own relationships with Christ before worrying about others.

New Beginnings

After trusting in Christ, he blessed me. How many times a day do we really get to say that? Probably not enough, because we never trust him with everything. When my relationship was on the line, that’s all I could really do. You realize in situations that you have NO control over, that you really never had control to begin with. I had to trust my God and hold fast to his promises that if you ask, it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened (Matthew 7:7).  I think its near to impossible to trust on words alone. That’s why I read this scripture to remind myself, that no only is this what God said, but then he gave up his son for me. He told his son to die, just for me. Just for you.

Crazy, I know. Its so hard to believe in something we haven’t seen in this century. But Christ sees that, and helps us to believe by giving us his holy spirit. That’s what told me not to worry, as well as his word that says; “therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own (Matthew 6:34).” Christ gave me a peace about this break up, and although it hurt, what really could I have done to change the outcome? Become clingier, less emotional, confessed my devoted love, or let him have space? The answer to the above is rhetorical, because nothing I would have done could have changed the man’s mind. Christ gives us the desires of our hearts, and he knows my heart better than I really know myself. I’m glad when it comes to tough decisions, I don’t have to worry about a thing, other than keeping my eyes on the Lord.  It’s harder than it sounds of course, but sometimes there is just nowhere else to turn to.

With that being said, my boyfriend and I have decided to work on a new start. Before you think or assume anything, let me just remind you that there was no real reason for us breaking up, other than communication issues, which is a big issue in marriages today. I’m glad we were able to confront this early. But with that being said, it doesn’t mean I hurt any less, or that things are just going to be able to go back to the way they were. We had this time to see Christ work in our lives, and it’s been beautiful. Now we have a new season to see Christ grow us, and I’m praying for it to be just as tremendous. There is a possibility that we may not be meant for each other, and as much as that sucks, it’s okay too. God will always have something better than what I think, because I don’t know nearly as much as he does. He has had a plan for me all along, and its brought me nothing but joy so far, with some hardships, but it completely outweighs how I used to live.  However, he gives me this verse from Proverbs 4:23 to remember when I go into something new:

Above all else, guard your heart,

    For everything you do flows from it

We shouldn’t just jump into relationships as people. We should sort through the good and bad, analyze what type of relationship this person has with Christ, and not be so quick to lust over one another. God made relationships for a reason, and that’s to glorify our relationship with Him. So as much as I may be hurt or upset, this is what Christ has blessed me with, a new season in my life. “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:14-15). I have to forgive and try to love, in Christ’s name, for my own relationship with him, and no other reason than that. I could easily hold a grudge against him for walking away, or against some of my friends who tried to end the relationship, but what would that really get me? A whole lotta nothing. Even if Andrew and I don’t work out, I know I did my best to love like Christ does, and to forgive as he had forgiven me. 

“If God only blessed us after we became believers—if he took away all suffering, hardship, and turmoil for Christians—wouldn’t it be a way to bribe people into the faith?” The Lord wants us to come to Him out of love and because we know we’re needy – so needy that only he can fill those needs for us. –Joyce Meyers

Pain

      Yesterday I had my wisdom teeth out. That's about the only good thing that happened all day, all week actually. These past two weeks have been straight out of hell. My car got backed into, my coworkers accused me of being judgmental, and besides the fact that my boyfriend left, and he also mentioned that he isn't sure he could love me forever. Very eventful I’ll have to say. But here's the good news. CHRIST DID IT ALL FOR A REASON.

      The man who backed into my car, actually left a note, and paid for all the damages, after telling me I was a beautiful girl and that he’s sorry for the accident, again. My coworkers who are some tough cookies gave me an opportunity to witness to about the love and commitment of Christian relationships. Although my boyfriend left me, Christ will use this opportunity for others to be able to relate to my testimony. He and I could get back together and have the opportunity to witness to other couples, or we could stay single. Like I said in a previous blog, it’s all in God’s hands now. I'm actually quite grateful that Satan sees me as such a threat that he needs to do everything he can to try to steal my joy. Even after getting my teeth pulled and throwing up blood, I realized something. Before Jesus died on the cross, that is how life should have been for me every day. I deserve to throw up and to be hurt, broken and alone; after all I've done against God. But he sent his son, Jesus, to give me an amazing, blessed, loving and gracious life. All though I threw up, I had my mother there holding my hair. Although I’m “alone” I have Christ (always), and amazing friends who help send me verses to remind me of their love.

    I think we all get a little to selfish in life. I think we all think and feel we know what is best, way to often. But if we are being honest, do you really know what your life should be? How many times have you “fallen in love” or changed your career choice? Does your past works show the future you’re meant to have?  I know mine doesn't.  I was going nowhere fast, or going fast to nowhere, before I accepted Christ into my life. The direction I chose for my life showed brokenness, hurt, pain, and ultimately loneliness. Now I wake up every day being able to praise the Lord for all he has redeemed me of. Every time I screw up, I don’t have to hold on to it. I just ask the lords forgiveness, and I’m seen in his eyes as new again. No wonder people have a hard time understanding Christ, because he’s unlike anyone we have ever met.

 “But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body.”

            2 Corinthians 4:7-11

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

First Corinthians 13:4-8 tells us all about love. But if we are being honest with ourselves and to Christ, I think we really need to analyze what this means. First the bible says that "Love is Patient", let’s stop right there. Patience is a virtue, of which I don’t seem to obtain. Patience is probably the hardest thing for people of this day and age who are all ready to go on some type of adventure and make things happen right now. That’s probably why it’s first on the list.

                

   When I read 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 this is what my eyes see:

“Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preservers. Love never fails.”

What my sin reads in these same verses:

      “I will never be able to have patience because of everything I have to do, I’m not very nice sometimes but it’s because people are so mean in this world. I envy peoples relationships, jobs and success because I want to be just like them, and I want to be like them, because I want a reason for people to notice me. I only tease people, but I don’t actually mean to hurt their feelings, I just do it because I don’t want to get picked on, and because I feel insecure with myself. I get mad when people don’t seem to understand, or maybe it’s just because they don’t give me my way, and trust me, I remember every time someone does something to hurt me. I lie to friends and family to cover up my mistakes, even if it’s just small white lies that don’t really matter. I usually feel alone, because I can’t really trust anyone, and everyone I put my hope in fails me. I think I should really just give up on life, because everything I do results in failure.”

     The above is all lies. Lies that we tell ourselves; lies that we let Satan convince us of. That’s not even CLOSE to the truth that God has in the first passage. No wonder we have failing relationships, failing home lives, and failing jobs. Do we even know how to love anymore? The only time I have ever truly felt that love described in 1 Corinthians is from Christ the day he saved me. After that, I’ve felt it on and off, because I really truly don’t always understand it. How could someone love me like that? Someone who never remembers wrongs, who always has hope for me, who always waits for me to come closer to him? That’s insane! And yet it’s so real. We are children of a living God, a concept that most of us don’t understand. All I can do is pray that the ending of this relationship will help show others mistakes in theirs. Christ can take bad, and make it good; make old, new; and wandering hearts, come home again.

      Thank you Christ for the strength that you have given me to face this hardship, I’m sorry I haven’t been listening. I pray that you can renew my soul, and help my mind be cleared so that I can see you and your way for me again. Please help me understand what your will is. Every day I want to do what you want of me lord. I’m afraid and I can’t do much more other than to give it to you. I trust you with this relationship Christ, I trust you with all my relationships and all of my troubles. You will make your will be done in Glory and that’s all I want. Thank you Jesus for your salvation, I love you lord.