I
realize I look for quick fixes. Books that will help me learn what God wants
for me, devotionals to lift my spirits, even journaling like this blog. I have
to admit, I can be a very silly woman. I came across a piece of scripture that
made me realize how blind I can really be. “Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting” (Psalm 139:23-24). Well DUH! If you want
peace, maybe you should go to the king of peace. If you want comfort, instead
of running to six girlfriends, your mom, your sister, and the neighbor next
door, how about you go to God? God gives out comfort like it’s his job,
because, it is. If this is you too, don’t be too hard on yourself, I’m clearly
just as silly.
Search me
God. What a statement! Search me and know
my heart. To know is to apprehend clearly and with certainty. I want God to
know my heart with certainty, but then again, do I want him to know every corner
of it even the sinful ones? Probably not. But that’s just what learning about
god is all about. It’s learning and knowing that you can let go of those
things, and he will keep them safe. We are all so afraid to let go of that sin
we cling so closely too. We hate the change of giving something up, or admitting
that somewhere along the way, we were wrong. But God isn't going to help us
expose our sin, just to dangle it in our face! He is going to destroy it!
Romans 6:14 clearly states, “For sin shall not be your master, because you are
not under law, but under grace. Sin does not own us! If anything we are
allowing sin to rule in our lives, because we can’t picture what life would be
like without it. I have a girl in my small group who has a horrible relationship
with her mother. They fight constantly, exchange harsh words, and help create each
other’s brokenness. When I asked her what she would do if her mother came up
and just gave her a hug and said I love you hunny, she responded with “she
would never do that”. I feel that’s how we are to God taking our sin, we don’t believe
it can actually happen. Like in my friend’s case, we have to be just as willing
to accept that we have been wrong, and that people, sin or things, can change
for the better, once they are in Gods possession.
Test me
and know my anxious thoughts. I could say im a coward, and id much rather not
be tested by an almighty God. But then I realized how silly that thought is,
because in being tested, you grow. You can learn, grow, and rid yourself of sin
after sin by submitting to Gods testing of your heart. He knows your anxious
thoughts, and in your frightened state he clearly says “Do not fear, for I am
with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help
you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand (Isaiah 41:10). His promises
are true, and he promises to strengthen you, and to help you. He isn't going to
leave you to do this all on your own. Once we get down to the fact that we are
ultimately hopeless on our own, we will find how to be still and focus on God.
See if
there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Let him
lead. Let him guide. All we have to do is follow. Sometimes I think we try to
over compensate either to get God to notice us more, or to try to be better for
him, but we aren't called to do either. We are asked to follow. Lord god I pray
that you can search my heart, for any offensive ways. I pray you can lead me to
your healing, and your love that covers multitudes of sins. I pray for the strength
to get through the changing in my life, for the ridding of my sins, so that I can
rejoice with you after conquering them. Lord help me learn who you are, help me
love who you are, and help me imitate your humble nature. Thank you for loving
me the way you do, let me understand the way you view me. In Jesus’ name, amen.
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